Off the Menu: Keep it Tight

Your video game collection, regardless of how vast or small, reveals what type of gamer you are. If you had all the money in the world, would you have every single version on every system and every trinket that is game related, or would you build a refined collection that reflects your tastes and preferences? The bad news is that due to a comparatively short linear existence on this mud ball, one only has so much time to devote to their hobby, so I believe that careful purchases and staying as organized as possible will enrich the experience and display the respect invested. Digital downloads might be the way of the future which makes storage effortless, but managing physical media can be easy with a little elbow grease.For disk based games, I recommend multi-disk cases to create compilations and save much needed shelf space. Site's like this carry up to 10 disk cases that are great for compiling, but keep in mind that the more disks a case holds, the wider the spine. In some instances you will need to make your own custom covers, but that in itself is an enjoyable pass time. Original instruction books can be stored in a labeled plastic tote(when is the last time they mattered to you anyway). You must fight the urge to flaunt the quantity of cases, for a true collector takes pride in quality rather than quantity. Another space saving method is to transfer your games to either a specific system's hard drive (if available) or an external hard drive that the system pulls from. This will allow for the physical media to be stored away (yes, labeled tote) and in most cases, you will experience decreased loading times when playing games from a hard drive. Emulation of retired systems (the only ones I personally approve of) is the ultimate way to keep down clutter, but you will have to research these things yourself and do the footwork. All the information you need is on the interwebs and always look to forums for advise when you hit a snag. Pirating games for current generation hardware diminishes the gaming world and there is absolutely no honor in it.Shelves, cubbys, specialty organizers are required gear for your game cave. Display your consoles with pride and have a tasteful place for your gangly controllers. There is nothing worse than to have to wait for untangling an unsightly mess before hosting a session. Cable management adds a distinguished touch, and a wide variety is available out there to help you project just the right flavor. Also keep a selection of cleaning supplies that are safe for regular care and upkeep, such as microfiber cloths, spray air and plastic safe cleaning solutions. If your monitor/TV screen's appearance is important to you, then there is only ONE (after countless experiments with sprays and gels) that does the job like no other; OptiMist Prime. Thank me later.

Please post any ideas below on how to help keep it tight!

Retro Reheat: Hagane - the Final Conflict

Hagane is one of the finest, non-mainstream SNES games that ever blessed our shores, and stands out in a crowded collection. Was it the techno-shinobi art style, the action packed platforming goodness, or the balanced level of challenge that made me fall in love? If my chrome cheeks could blush...
If you can't live without a back story, go wiki yourself here. All you need to know is that you are a full-metal ninja with a satisfying arsenal of weapons and attacks, with your only job being to decimate everything in your path. If that doesn't scream, "Supa' orgasm happy fun time joy" to you, then why aren't you playing Bubsy 3D instead of trying to hang with the cool kids? Everything is delightfully japalien in design and the levels change flavors often, adding to the already insane difficulty of staying alive. After having the pleasure of playing Ninja Spirit, a tasty action game from yesteryear, I would say that Hagane comes across as it's unofficial "spiritual" successor, sharing some of the same attributes. After beating the game, a Hard mode(for masochists) becomes available, but I recommend this handy-dandy infinite continue cheat code that will keep you from pulling your skin off, since there isn't a save feature. Do yourself a favor and find a way to play this game, ANY way you can (emu-cough-lation). Here's Hagane in action: VIDEO

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Extra-Rare Well Done: Ninja Gaiden Sigma 2 Jubblies Ad

Brilliant. Simply brilliant.
Let this be the gold standard for all future game ads.
Another gem from gametrailers.com.panese and their naughty little souls.

Hawt Link: GameFaqs

Any gamer worth their salt has visited GameFaqs at one point or another (or daily if they're a rabbid addict >_>) for everything they need to get their game on. Release dates, strategy guides, cheat codes, game saves, reviews, images, message boards - GameFaqs has it all. Almost all of the content is user generated and there is never a shortage of knowledge, wisdom and message board topics about such dire, important issues such as the differences in jubbly texture mapping and physics between platforms.

Here's a little bit about GameFaqs, from GameFaqs, "GameFAQs was first launched on November 5, 1995, by its founder, Jeff "CJayC" Veasey. It began as the "Video Game FAQ Archive", and was originally on AOL member web space. The domain "gamefaqs.com" was registered on September 11, 1996, and by the end of 1996 the site was officially renamed as GameFAQs. GameFAQs was purchased by CNET in the summer of 2003, but is still operated independently. GameFAQs and GameSpot share the same game database, some material is displayed on both sites, and its users access the same message boards for games. However, all GameFAQs editorial/approval/administration is handled by the GameFAQs staff, and vise-versa. The founder and original owner of GameFAQs is Jeff "CJayC" Veasey, who has since retired from operating the site. Allen "SBAllen" Tyner is currently the only full-time operator of the site and is responsible for all editorial decisions on the site, as well as a good portion of the site's design and coding. Data, technical, and design assistance, as well as all sales and marketing, are provided from GameSpot and CNET Networks Entertainment staff." So at one point a bigger dawg took over, but fortunately, Gamefaqs has kept the same comfortable format with a few welcome additions. Whew.

So, if you're stuck in a dark cave on an asteroid floating endlessly through space, and you're at your wits end trying to find the light switch, GameFaqs has your back.

BTW... there is no light switch.

On the Grill: Dead Space Extraction

Never played Dead Space, watched the animated movie or read the comics and you wanna know what's the deal but don't need a bunch of boring details? Groovy, here we go; In the future we mine planets for stuff. A colony on the surface preps a giganto chunk of the planet to be hauled off by a big spaceship. One very unlucky colony uncovers a huge space dildo that the space church folks think is a big deal. Someone farts and the thing begins to make people go space bananas while alien space boogers start taking over and turning everyone into alien space zombies that like to kill relentlessly for cheap thrills. The space boogers find their way to the big spaceship and the party continues there.

In the original 3rd person shooter for PC, 360 and PS3, you play as a dude who just wanted to visit his girlfriend that worked on the big spaceship serving space corndogs, but instead winds-up pissing himself trying to "strategically dismember" gobs of alien space zombies only to find out someone handed him the space shit end of the stick. Awesome game that gives Resident Evil a run for its money in the "scare you silly" department, and if you haven't played it yet, gather some household appliances, assemble a make-shift time machine, go back five minutes ago and pimp slap yourself. Dead Space Extraction for the Wii tells the story of what happened from the time the colonists find the huge space dildo by allowing you to relive the happy moments from the perspective of different characters who are ultimately going to die - nice. You can call it a rail shooter, they can call it a guided first person experience, but I call it a three hour interactive BBC movie, since DSE is really about the story and people with strange accents. Visceral Games did a swell job making DSE look the best it could using two Gamecubes duct-taped together, bringing us a superior space version of Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles with extra bells and whistles. (Flame shield -ON!) Just watch the vid:

I personally prefer DSE to REU, not just because I dig everything with a space taste, not just because of the robust upgradeable weapon selection , not just because of the cool Wiimote interactivity like shaking it to activate your space glow stick or to cut off your hand to survive(best mini-game... EVER!), not just because Lexine is a space cutie, not just... oh wait, those ARE the reasons. The challenge mode, where you fend off waves of alien space zombies, is great fun for instant limb separating gratification and the inclusion of the Dead Space web comics adds a nice touch of class. And, DSE also helps set events leading up to Dead Space 2, which if you miss, I'll travel back to "right now" and pimp slap you myself. Space Cock over and OUT!

Grid: Sorry SC, but while DSE is indeed fun, especially playing co-op and snatching all the goodies as an eight-year-old cries in protest, I prefer the suffocating aloneness of the original. A foreboding sense of terror crawling through one's mind while surviving the chilling dread of isolation is exactly what the doctor ordered. When your fingertips go numb from fear, you will fall in love.

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Dead Space Extraction Official Site

Evil Over Easy: Evil Otto

The grandaddy of all things evil that chase your ass through a game was nothing more than a jagged smiley face, a notorious figure in video game history burnt into the minds of quarter whores throughout the land. In 1980, Berzerk became a widely popular arcade game (and console ports) with the simple goal of zapping your way through 64,000 increasingly difficult, electrified mazes flooded with killer robots. Unfortunately, the creator, Alan McNeil of Stern Electronics, could not leave well enough alone and threw in a maniacally certain method of gobbling your lunch money; Evil Otto.According to the interweb deity, Wikipidia:
"Evil Otto" was named for Dave Otto, security chief at McNeil's former employer Dave Nutting Associates. According to McNeil, Otto would, "[smile] while he chewed you out." He would also lock McNeil and his fellow employees out of the building to enforce a noon-hour lunch, as well as piping "beautiful" music into every room. ... The function of Evil Otto, represented by a bouncing smiley face, is to quicken the pace of the game. Otto is unusual with regard to games of the period, in that there is no way to kill him. Otto can go through walls with impunity, and is attracted to the player character. If robots remain in the maze Otto moves slowly, about half as fast as the humanoid, but he speeds up to match the humanoid's speed once all the robots are killed. Evil Otto moves exactly the same speed as the player going left and right but he can move faster than the player going up and down; thus, no matter how close Otto is, the player can escape as long as they can avoid moving straight up or down. After 5,000 points Evil Otto doubles his speed, moving as fast as the player while robots remain in the maze, and twice as fast as the player after all the robots are destroyed.

It was challenge enough managing one's way through, tweaking on soda as robots heckle your attempts (one of the first games to use speech synthesis) without the bouncing orb of doom looming closely behind. He might even be responsible for two teenagers dying of heart attacks while playing the game in the early 80's. Evil Otto would live on in Frenzy, a more involved and tougher version of Berzerk, but lost his invincibility, falling to a third shot to his grinning countenance. My hood goes off to you, oh evil, Evil Otto.

Off the Menu: Kronoform the Robot Time Machine

Back in the early 80's, Takara released (prepare yourself) a watch that could "transform" into a robot, protect you from the school bully, get you the girl, and even tell time. Unfortunately it could not do anything about the sound that your corduroy pants would make or clear-up your face's crater collection. Kronoform came in black, silver and gold, and could also become a battle station, galactic shuttle, cosmic tank or solar creature depending on how the arms and legs were positioned and how easily your imagination was manipulated. If you want to be futuriffic, then pick one up on eBay for $100, break out your old Members Only jacket and go forth in coolness. Do you know what time it is? If not, just ask the robot.